Vision Versus Reality

Mark 11:13 says, “And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.”

Children are like fig trees. You care for them, feed them, and prune them with great expectations. You groom them to be fruitful for the Lord and be blessed with eternal life and the abundant life.

When children turn eighteen and leave your church, how do you feel? Sad? Disappointed? Are you surprised by their decision, or did you expect it? And if our young people are leaving the church, can we expect other young people to come to church?

In this lesson, I am talking about assimilating young adults into our churches. How can we keep and add young adults to our churches?

We want our children and young adults to come to church and to stay in church. Our vision for ministry and for our youth forecasts new disciples and strong commitments to continue God’s work. But the reality is, too often, they leave despite our efforts. Why do they leave? Why does reality not match the vision? Is there something we can do to keep them?

Don’t Give Up

When our young members leave, we feel the pain and sorrow of loss. We feel the angst of anticipating the consequences that will hurt them. We feel the disappointment of our vision being undermined by our enemy.

We love our children and young adults. We nurture them, and we want them to be faithful to God. We know they need God, and our churches need them to fulfill the continuing vision of reaching more souls for Christ. 

We want a thriving young adult ministry with young adults fully engaged in ministries–serving, witnessing, and discipling with youthful passion, optimism, and energy.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a formula that made attempts to leave church futile and that would guarantee that youth stay in our churches?

But instead, we pray and work to keep young adults in our churches with uncertainty of results. Not all leave, but too many leave, and those who stay too often are active just enough to warm a pew on Sunday mornings. Those who stay and serve are all the more precious and bring so much joy.

What can be done to stop the loss, to stop the hurt, and to stop the mediocrity of carnal, lukewarm Christianity? The best solution is God’s solution. Don’t give up reaching out to them. This is what God has done and does. First Corinthians 4:2 says, “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.”

The hurt we feel when young adults leave our churches reminds us how much God hurts multiplied by infinity. As an infinite God, He hurts to an infinite degree. We cannot compare our hurt with His. 

His hurt began before Adam and Eve. It began with Lucifer and a third of the angels. They chose to leave heaven and to leave God despite all the love and grace God bestowed on them. They just didn’t and don’t like God’s way. They don’t agree with Him.

What To Expect: Realistic Expectations

There are two lessons to take note of from God’s experience. First, some will leave regardless of what you do. Second, we must not give up trying to keep all of them just because some or even all of them leave.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:13–14, “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” This is reality. This is what we should expect.

Why do most reject God? Jesus said in John 3:19, “And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.” The reason few find eternal life is that few believe God’s way is the best way, the right way, and the only way. They don’t like God’s way, and they don’t want God’s way. Consider why you choose to sin when you know what is right.

Take Note: You do not want to beat up those who are making the right choice to labor, serve, and love because of the choices others make. You do not want to demoralize the ones who have made the right choice to stay and serve. Lay blame where it belongs, on those who made the wrong choices.

Despite most choosing to reject God and His way, He never gives up. In Matthew 23:37, Jesus said, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!”

Why does God not give up? The answer is love. But it is also because some will choose Him. You did. We must never give up or resign ourselves to accepting the loss. We should not be surprised by the loss, but we must continue to work on preventing the loss. Let the loss that occurs not be our fault for failing to provide the ministry God has asked of us.

Second Corinthians 5:11 is our rallying cry, “Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.”

Under ideal conditions in heaven and in the Garden of Eden, while in fellowship with God, some of the angels and Adam and Eve still left God. But Adam and Eve were recovered. Who in your church is recoverable? You don’t know who will choose to surrender to God. So, you must try to recover everyone.

You may not have the ideal conditions of heaven in your church and families, but remember, you are not in this alone. God has not given up on you or on anyone else. He is still working on saving and restoring souls. Perseverance needs to be included in our vision to make it a reality.

Understanding these two things, (1) that most do not like God’s way and (2) that it is important to persevere and to not give up on people, gives insight into Paul’s statement in 2 Corinthians 9:6, “But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.” The more people you reach out to, the more people you will likely win and keep. The only way to find the few is to consistently reach out to more.

We Can Help Young Adults Stay

Though it is obvious, it is important to state here that we can help people stay faithful to Christ, but we cannot force them. Likewise, God does not force anyone to stay, despite how much He would love them to stay faithful to Him.

I have watched and worked with many young adults for over forty years. I was one at one time! I have built eight teams of thriving young adults in our college ministry over the years. I watched some come and some go.

It is the many who leave that make me feel incompetent and unqualified to speak on this topic of assimilating young adults into ministry. But there are those who stayed and who are pillars in the church. 

My responsibility to God is to be faithful to Him regardless of the choices others make. As long as some choose to serve Christ, we are still having a better experience than Noah had. It is our faithfulness, our choice to continue that extends the opportunity for young adults to thrive in Christ. And as with Noah, we must not judge ourselves based on the choices others make. The measure of our success is our choice to be faithful.

Understanding Young Adults

Children carry the habits and knowledge they acquire during their formative years into adulthood. They see in the examples of their parents and others, and through their own personal experience, what works and what doesn’t work.

What they learn in their formative years will stay with them for life. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Even though they may reject Christ, they will remember their childhood upbringing.

Some come from broken homes without a father, a mother, or parents. Some come from homes broken in relationship skills and values. They have not learned the habits and skills necessary to experience the blessings of God’s way.

Some just make poor decisions despite being trained well. These people will have lifelong problems. They are not teachable. They are incapable of learning or are too proud to change.

We meet all of these young adults in our ministries. So it is important to be prepared to help young adults build a Biblical worldview, develop good relationship skills, and lay a foundation of Biblical values.

Questions To Discover How To Help

To find a solution to any problem, it is necessary to ask questions. For example,

• Are we failing them? How?
• How can we reach them?
• What do they need?
• What should we teach them?

Identifying The Challenges For Young Adults

I have asked these questions every year if not every month and sometimes every day for forty years. Their needs are the same, and their feelings are the same. As with everyone, they want to feel safe in life and in making decisions. And so I have developed a lesson on the challenges of young adults with the acronym of SAFE: Security, Answers, Fulfillment, and Emotional connection.

SECURITY. Everyone wants to feel secure and safe in life. Young adults want to feel physically safe, financially secure, and spiritually secure. 

The most important thing everyone needs to really feel safe and secure is salvation. With salvation comes eternal security and peace with God. The opportunity to know and do God’s will secures success. And having the Comforter alongside you gives the greatest sense of security possible. As Philippians 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Security reminds us we need to share the Gospel message because winning and keeping young adults requires a genuine salvation experience.

ANSWERS. With age and changes in life come different questions. A lack of answers or having wrong answers leads to bad decisions. Young adults want to make good choices, so they want good answers.

Too often churches fail to provide answers to the questions that are relevant to young adults. This is a serious problem because Satan is providing answers.

First Peter 3:15 exhorts us to “ … sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.” We need to answer the all-important questions of where did I come from, why am I here, and where will I end up. Beyond these, we also need to answer questions such as is there more than a physical world; if there is, is there a God; if there is, which God; and how does God reveal truth.

In addition, my personal experience has shown that answering other questions such as what are the body, soul and spirit; why is hell forever; how does the sin nature differ from sinning; why is Jesus the only way; what about those who have never heard; how does God change those whom He saves; how to know God’s will and experience Him; and what is the local church. Answering these questions has resulted in revivals in youth groups and strengthened faith in many. Our set of Bible studies called the Bible Concepts answer these questions.

In addition, the systematic discipleship training we offer in our Disciple Like Jesus series advances people in maturing in the knowledge and understanding of God’s Word and ability to disciple others.

Addressing Young Adult Complaints

As for reasons young adults do not want to attend church or to continue as members of a church, I selected two commonly cited reasons.

First, Negative Stereotypes: Unfortunately, some young adults associate Christians with negative stereotypes, such as being unfriendly, condemning, judgmental, too strict, and no fun. The reputation of churches has been smeared by Satan’s crowd, and young adults do not feel S-A-F-E, as just mentioned. And they do not see their own hypocrisy in judging Christians while accusing Christians of being judgmental.

Second, The Lack Of Answers To Questions: A significant number of young adults feel that the church cannot adequately address their spiritual doubts or questions about the Bible, such as how did God create everything in seven days; how did Noah fit all the animals on one boat; and why does the Bible appear to contradict itself, etc. The internet is filled with reasons not to believe the Bible and with challenging questions and critiques about Christianity. There are many hostile voices on the internet opposing Christ and proselytizing for antichrist. They are sowing seeds of doubt in the minds of viewers. Failure to provide answers implies there are no answers and no truth in churches.

The Challenge Of Satan’s Attacks

This world is designed by Satan to blind people from seeing truth. Second Corinthians 4:4 says, “In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.” The Satanic tactics to disconnect young adults from a ministry can be categorized into four themes.

Discontent.

In their quest to be S-A-F-E, people strive for contentment. When they feel discouraged, disillusioned, and discontented in the church, they look for answers somewhere else. They look to churches and groups that have contented people.

Responses:

Virtue Emphasis: Highlight the positive aspects of faith—love, hope, and purpose. Show the consequences of bad choices.

Give Answers: Address their questions honestly and with Biblical guidance.

Doubt. 

Failure to answer questions young adults ask raises doubt about the trustworthiness of the church to provide truth. And those offering answers, right or wrong, gain the confidence of those looking for answers.

Division.

James 3:14–17 says, “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” The way to conquer a church is with division. The war cry against the church is divide and conquer. This may be young versus old. Deacons versus preachers. Men versus women. One race against another race. Wealthy against unwealthy. These and more foster division. Church members must be on the same team fighting the same enemy. Expose the statements and attitudes of division. Us, not them.

Dispersion.

Young people leave because they do not feel like they belong to the church. The feeling of belonging keeps people together even when there is disagreement and disappointment. But when people leave, it is because there is nothing of value to them in the church. First John 2:19 says, “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us.” This profound explanation shows how important it is to create an environment of belonging. There must be an attitude of, this is my church, not that church over there.

The Three Ways Of Jesus

Identifying the needs and understanding the problems young adults face are essential to knowing how to solve problems. We are in a war for souls with an enemy who is constantly shifting tactics. 

Jesus did three important things consistently. He prayed, He befriended, and He taught. Like Him, we need to pray, befriend, and teach.

Offer Prayer

Praying keeps your standard and vision alive. Prayer helps to keep our eyes on the goal of training disciples to love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds. This is step number one. This is the first and great commandment.

Through prayer, wisdom and guidance are gained with the revelation of God’s will.

This is His work; so we need His guidance, which we impart to others.

We are in a spiritual warfare. There is a tug-o-war going on. We must tug and fight to keep the standard high in God’s direction.

Dumbing down the ministry keeps the ministry down and the vision low. The result is low expectations and low results.

Offer Friendship

Befriending is essential. Friendship is the glue that holds people together and that allows for difficult discussions and forgiveness.

There is accountability, motivation, inspiration, and synergy. As you encourage others to be better, you create an environment that is better for you too.

And in order to incorporate and assimilate young adults into the church, mentor them with the expectation and goal to assume responsibilities.

Offer Discipleship Training

Teach with relevance for application.

• Unify life in context of the spiritual. Do not compartmentalize secular and spiritual. Everything done should be for Christ. Develop a perspective of a priority circle rather than a priority list.
• Be systematic to advance in maturity and learning.
• Have a goal to advance toward.
• Develop a clear Discipleship plan that is measurable with expectation. The Disciple Like Jesus series is designed to provide a thoughtful curriculum that develops maturity in learning, beginning with the Gospel, Follow up, church membership, stewardship, Bible Concepts, and leadership.
• Emphasize the first and great command. God must have our hearts in order to do right.
• Address problems with Biblical counsel and instruction.
• The favorite and most important lesson for Christians I have taught has been the body, soul, and spirit (the human design). This caused a revival to break out in one church’s youth group. Romans 7:15–25.
• Also, why hell is forever, the deity of Jesus Christ
• New Birth change and eternal security
• The local church has helped some with decisions.

Reality Check

1. Success is your choice to be faithful. Success is not measured by what others decide to do. Despite all that Jesus did with prayers, friendship, and teaching as well as healings and miracles, the people still crucified Him. John 15:20, “Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.” 
2. Do your best and leave the results up to God and others. This is God’s work. Persistently take the message of Christ to people. Let Him do the work on their hearts. While sowing and watering, people will make their own choices, and God will harvest. He saves, He adds to His church, and He makes spiritual maturity possible.
3. Offer prayer, friendship, and teaching to the best of your ability.
4. It helps to have young adults leading and participating. Go and find them. A church that does not have contact evangelism is a dying church. Remember 2 Corinthians 9:6 says, “But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.” The more people you reach out to, the more people you are likely to win and keep.